When I have had conversations about Sylvia and my pregnancy to people there always is the initial sympathy and condolence responses. Tears and hugs and silence are common at this time too. Everyone has a different way of having that first conversation with me, or a way they act the first time they see me since her death. For many, I know its uncomfortable, its awkward, its sad and its something that is so intense that it is impossible to even prepare yourself or form a script for the first time you see me. I know this because while I was pregnant a friend of mines son died. The first time I saw her I panicked. Its normal. No one ‘knows what to say’. The interesting thing about peoples initial conversations with me since her death is nine times out of ten, people say, ‘But you were so healthy?…’  after the sympathy, condolences, hugs and tears. The statement is said closed like that. It is always those five words. It is always paired with a face of complete confusion. It isn’t ever a continuing statement and rarely that part of the conversation goes much further. My response is always, ‘I know’ and a nod of my head. I don’t know if the statement continued really what it would include and I don’t know if the person saying it does either honestly. Would it be, ‘But you were so healthy, healthy people’s babies don’t die.’ Would it be, ‘But you were so healthy, what went wrong?’ Would it be, ‘But you were so healthy, is there something wrong about your ability to carry babies?’  Continue reading →