Since the first time Carlos and I ever talked about children when we were dating, he told me he was going to name his first daughter Sylvia. At first, I didn’t love the name. I didn’t not like it, but I didn’t love it. When I first took a pregnancy test and it seemingly instantly gave me a positive result, I knew it was a girl. I can’t explain that feeling to anyone who hasn’t experienced such certainty. It was positive and I knew she was a girl. It was as much of a fact to me as knowing my own name. Because I felt so certain and then after confirmation many weeks later, Carlos had referred to her as Sylvia since nearly day one. She was always Sylvia. Carlos talking to her in my belly, calling her by name and so lovingly getting to know her solidified her name to me. She was always Sylvia. If you know me personally or socially or maybe have just seen me via social media, you know I live a very outdoorsy life. I crave being outside, every summer of my childhood was spent camping. ‘Sylvia’ means from the woods. She was always Sylvia. 

Sylvia’s middle name took a little bit longer. We initially were going to go with ‘Anne’ as it is my middle name and we didn’t have any other ideas. My sister, who was pregnant with my niece and still deciding a name, and I were talking one day and she was saying about how fun it would be with our hispanic last name to get creative with names. A lot of last names just don’t work with more exotic names but ‘Mendoza’ really gives a lot of names a good ring. She mentioned ‘Paloma’ and she wished it paired better with their last name. It means ‘dove’ she said. Sylvia Paloma. It sounded like a little Spanish princess. That was her, I knew it.

Since Sylvia has died I crave peace and quiet even more than I used to. Finding it in nature is easiest and most rewarding for me. We live in a desert, so it is a drive to get to what is considered the woods or forested areas but I try to do it as often as I can. For me and for her. I feel like she is there, with me, in the spirit of what makes my soul seek the solitude of the forest. For Sylvia’s three month birthday Carlos and I went to Central Oregon for a long weekend. We left very early to drive and then hike into a hot springs in Willamette National Forest. We spent a quiet couple hours there alone before crowds started coming in. It was quiet and peaceful and exactly what we needed. I know Sylvia was there with us. Happy three month birthday my little dove. We love and miss you so, so much.