I am completely blank for what to write. It’s my birthday today, I turned 30. I am numb. On the way back from breakfast with Carlos I tried to come up with some goals for myself for this year. I was empty. I couldn’t come up with a single thing that seemed important enough to say out loud. Last year this was the month I went off birth control. My entire 29th year of being alive was dedicate to bringing a baby into this world. I didn’t succeed with a live baby. It is wrong that I have had 30 years of life and she wasn’t even given a day. Today seems more like a punishment of a reminder that her life was cut so short. Her heart stopped beating and mine has to continue. Every candle I ever blow out, every shooting star I see, every wish I ever make, is for her.

Sylvia, my little dove, I carried you for every second of your life and will love you for every second of mine. I know you are with me today, as you are every day, but I wish you were in my arms instead of just my heart. Help mommy and daddy to be strong, little girl. We love you.